I will possibly face harsh criticism for this piece, but I have to say this.

I do not want to be my son’s hero.

For the better part of Father’s Day, I’ve been seeing the phrase ‘My dad is my hero’ be thrown around lavishly. For the record, I am not ‘contesting’ this line of thought at all. For a lot of us, our fathers have played key roles in shaping our personalities. Just like our mothers have too. And I suppose, as a parent, I will play some role in shaping my son’s personality too.

My problem though is with the word ‘hero’, and it’s a matter of how I look at it personally. To me, ‘hero’ implies that I am someone who is capable of impressive feats of bravery and ingenuity and often capable of sacrificing my own personal concern for a greater good. In my head, the word also implies that as a ‘hero’ you are put on a pedestal of sorts and seen above and beyond the person that you actually are. This in turn, makes ‘parenting’ more complicated than it should be.

If I’m honest, on most days I don’t embody most of these ‘particular’ characteristics that define the phrase ‘Hero’. Granted that I’m a novice at best when it comes to parenting, but never in my experience have I felt like I’ve been a hero to my son. And I’m not complaining. Of course, he may have another answer to this predicament, but in my head, the word ‘hero’ sets off alarm bells. It makes me think twice before taking a step or doling out advice. It makes me genuinely question my own judgement at times. And that’s way too much pressure for me to deal with.

Over the course of my fatherhood journey so far, I’ve realised that ‘the toughest thing that parenting asks of you’ is to live up to the expectations that YOU think that your KID has of you. But in our quest for that hypothetical ‘Parenting Trophy’ (which doesn’t exist, by the way!), we sometimes forget the basic truth. That your kids actually have no high expectations from you. They don’t want you to be their hero. Or idol. Or the perfect parent. Your kids just need you to be YOU.

Yes, you, with all your flaws, imperfections and weaknesses. And, maybe be there for them.

So, I hope my son never idolises me or puts me on a pedestal. Instead, when he looks at me (or a picture of mine, after I’m gone!), I want him to think of me as someone who was his partner in a lot of ways. Someone who taught him some of life’s biggest lessons while standing beside him — not behind or ahead.

I hope he sees the mistakes that I make and the flaws that I have, and still like me. I do not want him to come to me because I may have the solutions for his problems. Instead, I want him to think of me as someone he can brainstorm ideas with and find his own solutions and forge his own path.

I do not want to be his confidante. I do not want him to call me every single day. I do not even want him to tell me everything. I just want him to know that I’m here for him, if he ever needs me.

I am not his hero.

He needs to be his own hero.

I’ll just be his cool ‘sidekick’, if he needs me to be. His wingman, rather.

#FathersDay