It’s been one of those restless nights. Sleep has been hard to come by and no amount of tossing or turnings has helped. In fact, I’ve been counting down the hours, slowly watching the hands of the clock move in synchronised motion like ballerinas executing their act with precision. Even the howling wind, that has been rattling my window for several hours has given up the fight and succumbed to the charms of the Sleep Queen.
It’s a day that I’ve been looking forward to for weeks now. But I feel jittery. Inexplicably confused even. I know it will be well. After all, it always turns out so. Despite my deepest and darkest concerns. But right now, I’m just a few miles short of panic-ville, and I’m rushing towards it at full speed.
Scenarios of every kind run haphazardly through the chambers of my mind.
Is he going to be ok?
Will he need me to be around?
How’s he going to settle in?
Will he cry?
Or just laugh it off?
Will he turn around and look as he leaves the comfort of my hands and takes that step?
Or will he be excited to rush into unchartered and unknown territories?
Will he make friends soon?
Or will he sit in one of the corners and suck his thumb like his father did many eons ago?
And my brain desperately tries to round the thoughts up and rein them in, like a Border Collie trying to herd confused sheep. A mental check box appears now and then, on the dark canvas of the ceiling, and I carefully blink with every line, as if to check it off.
There are still a few more minutes to go before the alarm croons and the house becomes a hive of activity, like bees going about their work with clockwork like precision. I can hear the gentle snores slowly give way to the yawns of unfinished sleep. Soon, he’ll be up too.
I do not know if he will remember the excitement of this day. Or if it will just fade into oblivion like it has for his father. Only time will tell.
But for me, it’s a day of positives. Of my son taking his first ‘big’ steps. Of him letting go of his inhibitions. Of him starting a fresh new journey.
And now, as the alarm starts to sing ‘The Circle of Life’ from ‘The Lion King’, I sit up on the bed and rub my eyes. I must be strong. I must be brave. And I’m sure he will be too.
It’s a new day and a new beginning. Today, my little boy, becomes a little ‘big’ boy.
For today, he goes to school.
Image courtesy: idahoeditor9 from MorgueFile
I Wrote Those - by Sid Balachandran 
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