There is nothing quite like one of those ‘By 30, you should have..’ lists to make you feel like an underachieving blob. It’s a magical power of sorts – that only these age-based achievement lists possess. Because hey, according to them, the universe has some sort of cosmic deadline for success.
The good news though is that the majority of us are not on it. On my side, it’s mostly because I’ve not invented the next new social media platform, amassed a large fortune or conquered Everest while battling sleep anxiety (and my sleep apnea).
Of course, I do have other achievements. And some of them genuinely are age-based ones. Like mastering the art of misplacing my keys, missing important dates and of course, the big one: Getting most of my steps from pacing back and forth between rooms trying to figure out why I went in there in the first place.
I call this Level 40 of the Adulting Game, where the reward is a nagging sense of mortality, a cupboard full of clothes that no longer fit and a profound appreciation for afternoon naps.
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So, here’s a counter proposal to the powers that be. Maybe it’s high-time we have more realistic (but still aspirational) achievement lists to celebrate the everyday victories.
For instance, ‘by the age of 41, you could/should/might…’
Have an ambivalent relationship with your glasses, and a preference for large-print books – because hey, why squint and strain when you can read in glorious 18pt font.
Own at least one piece of furniture that doubles up as the default place in the house where you dump most of your laundry for a few days before folding them away. Kind of like a rite of passage.
Make a playlist that’s an eclectic mix of ’80s/90s’ hits and today’s top 20 because you’re trying to stay relevant. Plus, your kids have hijacked your playlist, and now you’re suprisingly okay with singing along to Billie Eilish.
Have a favourite Tupperware container, and absolutely no clue where the matching lid went. Seriously, do these things vanish into a parallel universe?
Have a sound realisation that ‘sleeping in’ means anything past 6 AM, and that you run the risk of injuring yourself while sleeping. Yes, ‘bedhead’ now comes with an extra body ache on the side.
Have a dedicated spot in your house where you keep the important stuff: keys, wallet, phone, and that one crucial piece of mail you swear you’ll deal with tomorrow.
Have accumulated a collection of reusable tote bags that rivals the inventory of a small grocery store. However, you forget to take them when you go shopping.
Develop a deeply personal relationship with at least one streaming service, complete with curated watchlists, and a begrudging acceptance of how the service always seems to suggest shows that you’re convinced you’ll never watch
Have at least one friend or acquaintance who understands that your “on my way” means you’re yet to leave the house. Bonus points if you’ve also honed the art of politely declining invitations with excuses that are both believable and vaguely ominous.
Be in a love-hate relationship with your smartphone, constantly torn between its convenience and its ability to suck you into a vortex of doomscrolling. Bonus if you’ve come to terms with the fact that you will never understand the appeal of TikTok, but you’ll still occasionally find yourself scrolling through it out of sheer curiosity.
Have at least one drawer nicknamed ‘The Time Capsule’, that is essentially a chaotic jumble of old receipts, expired coupons, and trinkets that tell the story of your life. Not to mention the collection of cables and chargers for devices you no longer own, convinced that you’ll need them someday (even though you probably won’t).
The list could go on.
After all, as the saying goes – “With great age, comes great experience.”
But with it also comes the realisation that JOMO (the Joy of Missing Out) is a real thing. Sure, “adulting” is basically a never ending series of trial and error, with each mismatched sock and forgotten password marking another level cleared.
But with each passing year, we also gain a newfound appreciation for the simple joys of staying in, saying “no,” and embracing the quiet moments that recharge us.
So, forget about those arbitrary list of milestones. Go live a life that’s uniquely yours, one mismatched sock and forgotten password at a time.
Because let’s face it, adulting is hard.
But hey, there is the acceptance that your body makes weird noises now, and that you’ve learned to laugh them off as the soundtrack to your life.
And that, my friends, is the real achievement.
If you’re wondering about the images, here’s the low down on them. I’ve always been a fan of “The New Yorker Cartoons”; and when I started writing this post, I was keen to give the points a similar angle. It took a bit of time, but after a lot of reverse prompt engineering, I was able to get some AI outputs that I could use. So yeah, thanks AI gods!
I Wrote Those - by Sid Balachandran 
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