News.
Love it. Hate it. But you just can’t miss it.
We may say we can, but the reality is that we are constantly consuming news in its many forms. Radio, television, social media and these days, WhatsApp too. But hey, the news doesn’t always have to be boring. Sometimes the sheer ridiculousness of the things that happen around us makes it to the news. And what’s better than news coated with a bit of snarky satire.
So, in an effort to stay relevant (really, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate word), and spurred on by the support of a few people who had the spunk to say I should try this (Yes, blame them. I’ll email you the names!), I’ve decided to start a section on the blog titled:
What I Found Out Last Week
Or #WIFOLW. Which oddly enough sounds like the noise that a wolf would make on a half-moon night.
So, here’s my take on some popular (and lesser-known) ‘news’ from last week.
With the amount of Oscar-worthy acting performances at this year’s FIFA World Cup, there is a rumour that The Academy may soon start a new award category titled – Rolling in the Grass.
The statue is said to be modelled after Neymar Jr’s almost-award-winning roll.
Image Courtesy: Tenor.com
US President Donald Trump (ugh!) has finally found a crowd that is definitely the ‘biggest’ he has seen since he assumed office. He was greeted by over 250,000 people on the streets of London and Glasgow with very descriptive (and no so-welcoming) messages.
But true to his spunk, he spent his visit being the perfect gentleman to Theresa May before throwing her under the bus, playing a game of ‘Follow the Leader’ with the Queen, and of course, a few rounds of golf – perhaps the only game that he can play with those tiny hands.
Someone has actually started a GoFundMe campaign to help cosmetics queen Kylie Jenner get to a billion dollars. The very emotional paragraph that accompanies the campaign has the organiser say that ‘they don’t want to live in a world where Kylie is not a billionaire’.
Aww! Such a noble humanitarian mission. Helping millionaires become billionaires. And they said charity is dead.
Image Courtesy: GoFundMe.com
Popular UK toy store, Build-a-Bear, launched a ‘Pay Your Age’ campaign with parents able to buy a teddy costing their child’s age in pounds. After mile-long queues and over a 9-hour wait at some places, the campaign had to be abandoned citing safety concerns.
Hear that, Donald Trump? There were more people wanting to buy bears than wanting to be at your inauguration ceremony.
Image Courtesy: Warrington Guardian
Apparently, there is a new Instagram trend – called the ‘Migraine Pose’, where celebrities (because they always start it!) mimic having a migraine.
For me, every day is a migraine pose.
Image courtesy: Metro.co.uk
A recent report said that there has been a rise in the number of people in England who’ve gotten tattoos of ‘It’s coming home’ on various parts of their body. Such patriotism.
Although, now they’ll probably have to add ‘to my neighbour’s home’ to it after France won the 2018 FIFA World Cup.
People across the UK have been asked to stay alert around seagulls. Apparently, they’ve been consuming beer and other alcoholic beverages from left-over cups at beaches and other places.
And there’s only one thing worse than sober seagulls. It’s drunk ones with the weirded out eyes of a serial killer.
Finally, in fashion news. While the Indian Desi brand Patanjali is brimming with ideas of how ‘more is less’ and plan to make jeans as loose(and thereby as sansakari as possible), the modern world has decided that less is more. In fact, so less that they’ve introduced transparent trousers made entirely of plastic.
After all, who wouldn’t want to look like you were wrapped in cling film?
Image Courtesy: Pretty Little Things
I Wrote Those - by Sid Balachandran 
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